Ramblings

Well, I sure am proud of my baby boy. I think it’s been at least a week since he’s pooped in a diaper. I’d say it seems he’s “potty trained” with his poop now. We’re working on the pee. He’s told me a few times that he has to “tee tee”. Mostly, I just take him to the toilet every hour or so and he’ll go if he needs to or shakes his head and says “nope” if he doesn’t. Whether he has to poop or pee, he’ll tell me “tee tee” and I’ll take him. It’s still exciting. 

Today the three of us were out and about. We stopped at a local mommy/baby store, A Nurturing Moment. While I was looking around Jamie took Rowan to the play area.  Rowan was playing and then went up to Jamie and said, “Tee tee.” His word for potty time. So, Jamie came and got me and said I think he needs to use the bathroom. I promptly took him to the toilet there and, lo and behold, he peed. Score! I was so impressed that he told us even while we were out and he was playing. I hope this potty business continues to be successful. Oh, it really is the little things. Funny how taking a toddler to the bathroom becomes so exciting as a parent.

So, firstly, I’ll say that this isn’t a traditional book review. I’ll mostly be sharing what intrigued me the most. I definitely recommend that you read the book to get the full picture, of course.

The book starts with Mayim briefly writing about what Attachment Parenting (AP) is and how it works. I’ve read Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson & Lysa Parker already, so this part was just a review. I highly recommend you read other AP books, if Beyond the Sling resonates with you. She lists resources in the back of the book. Incase you’re not familiar, the eight guiding principles of AP are:

1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting

2. Feed with Love and Respect (Breast milk)

3. Respond with Sensitivity

4. Use Nurturing Touch

5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally (usually co-sleeping or bedsharing)

6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care

7. Practice Positive Discipline

8. Strive for Balance in Your Personal and Family Life

Mayim lists them with slightly different titles, but the essence is the same. She also has a chapter on Elimination Communication (EC). Not to be confused, EC is not necessarily part of AP. Some who practice AP also use EC, but it’s not part of the eight guiding principles. Whew, glad we got that out of the way.

I enjoyed the memoir feel of the book. She basically shared her experiences with her sons with each one of the principles in mind. It’s always intriguing and affirming to read about women who are processing life in similar ways. I felt encouraged in many ways and challenged in others. After reading pages at a time, I always came away with a sense of thankfulness and love for my son. I didn’t feel as though Mayim came across as “preachy” or a “know it all.” I really did feel a gentleness and peace about the way she wrote.

There’s a lot I could throw out from the book, but honestly I’ve got laundry to do and not much time to myself these days. So here comes my favorite parts of the book (besides the topics I was already aware of).

Part III of the book is “What Baby Doesn’t Need”. This is some good stuff.  This ranges from types of toys to types of medical intervention to baby doesn’t need pressure, etc. Of course, these are rather personal choices being discussed. Like not allowing her children to watch t.v. and so on. For me, it felt good to connect to a mom such as Mayim. Jamie and I don’t have cable and Rowan doesn’t watch t.v. Now, we do watch stuff online sometimes, and Rowan will watch Sesame Street or music videos here and there, but for the most part we don’t watch t.v. There are reasons for it and you can read the book to find those out!

She also goes on about why we don’t need so much stuff (toys, etc.) for children. Two reasons I connected with were:

1. Acquiring a lot of stuff means that there are unlimited resources and we can consume all of those resources. It’s important to realize that the world is limited and we affect it by how we use it.

2. Limiting stuff encourages self-control. This helps to define a want vs a need. 

She does a much better job at explaining all of this.

I think my favorite part is where she talks about politeness and sharing (under Baby Doesn’t Need Pressure). It may seem a bit weird at first, but I think it does make some sense. I’ll start with politeness. 

Basically, she challenges the common thought that teaching a child to say thank you and please by repetition and making them say it on cue doesn’t necessarily make a child polite. Mayim shares how in some situations making a child say thank you etc. can stimulate a sense of shame. She goes on to say that, “…instinctive and authentic politeness comes from watching adults relate politely, having open conversations about what behavior makes people feel good, and what kinds of actions and words hurt others, and observing with your child reactions that occur when people are mistreated.” She says they never told their sons to say please, thank you or I’m sorry. And they are very polite children. 

As for sharing, I remember reading something similar to what she says a few months ago; but I’ve never known of anyone practicing it this way. She doesn’t force her kids to share. They do share and they often initiate the sharing. As common, most people think that you have to teach your kids to share. That it’s a skill learned like tying a shoe and that they will eventually get it. What resonated with me, though, is to think that sharing is actually rather complicated. It means that you have to postpone your desire for something simply because someone else wants the same thing. It’s altruistic. Can a one year old grasp that? As adults we get to decide when we want to share something, but in teaching little ones we constantly make them share anything they may have at a time. We adults can decide on “a case-by-case” basis. The concept of voluntarily sharing shows up when a child has been allowed to “develop and exercise autonomy, self-discipline and empathy.” She gives examples of how she responds in different situations when dealing with sharing in public and other children. I can tell you about those later, if you’d like.

I think I should wrap it up about now. I know this was a very quick review that may seem all jumbled. Forgive me for the rushed feel. Beyond the Sling was an enjoyable, easy read and I recommend it to all. I respect Mayim for putting her personal details of life and motherhood out there for all to read. I also respect her for the science she has found in support of her ways of parenting. FYI, she’s a neuroscientist. Some of her ways will probably seem crunchy, green or hippy-like, but I ask you to really think about what she has to say and see if any of it could help you.

jesusbucket:

Almighty God, whose most dear Son went not up to joy but first he suffered pain, and entered not into glory before he was crucified: Mercifully grant that we, walking in the way of the cross, may find it none other that the way of life and peace; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

(via jesusbucket-deactivated20120501)

I’ve been taking Rowan to the potty for the past two weeks on and off. About three days ago he seemed to learn to tell me when he’s got to go. So, he’s gone poop in the potty four times in the past three days and pee a few times. It’s exciting, for me anyways. I wish I had kept using elimination communication with him, but he seems to be getting the hang of things more now. I know we still have a while to go before he’s completely out of diapers, but it’s a step in the right direction.